Assuming Positive Intent
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One dynamic I see regularly, and often need to address in working with teams to build strong, cohesive cultures is helping organizations break down silos and repair relationships that are strained between departments and teams. One thing that is always vital in correcting those is helping teams adopt a mindset of assuming positive intent.
Having a culture where everyone assumes the best intent on behalf of others makes teams stronger and more connected. It helps prevent and resolve problems with thoughtfulness and objectivity, makes for a healthier overall environment, and enhances the mental and emotional well-being of teams as a whole.
But for that mindset to become a reality, people also have to have the skills to practice it. Which we will cover, but first: the why.
Why does assuming positive intent matter?
First, on the positive side, it’s really healthy for any kind of a relationship. As a coworker, leader, colleague, friend, or in a romantic relationship, assuming positive intent builds trust and creates a space where it’s safe to be vulnerable and honest.
“Trust and respect is impossible to build when everyone assumes the worst of each other.”
It prevents unnecessary conflicts and misunderstandings, it makes for healthier communication and relationships overall. Trust and respect is impossible to build when everyone assumes the worst of each other.
Individually, it keeps you in a clear, positive head space and away from the swamp of stewing in negative thoughts and conjuring up hurtful narratives that our egos and insecurities sometimes love to pull us into.
Assuming negative intent.
On the flip side, assuming negative intent is extremely damaging to relationships and reputations.
When you assume and interpret that people are doing things for the worst possible reason, and that they have it out for you, it often adds negativity to a situation that does not warrant it. Assigning sinister intentions on behalf of other people is essentially accusing them (in your head) of being the worst version of themselves. And what we believe about other people in our heads always finds a way to come out.
“The worst part is that rarely are the cruel intentions that we assign to others ever fully true.”
Assuming other people are operating from ill will leads to you thinking less of them and it drives trust and relationships into the ground. The worst part is that rarely are the cruel intentions that we assign to others ever fully true.
The behavior is guaranteed to destroy relationships, and it’s often based on narratives that are twisted or completely false.
So yes, it's important to assume positive intent. What can be tricky is that it’s not something that's naturally easy for a lot of people. Here’s a little trick I use that makes it a lot easier for me.
How to navigate your life assuming positive intent.
First of all, the time that you really need to activate and be aware of this is when you catch yourself conjuring up a feisty narrative or assigning nefarious intent to someone else. When you feel yourself starting to spin up a story and get all riled up, that’s when to take a step back and a deep breath.
Let’s say you receive a communication that doesn’t sit well with you—somebody says something, or does something, or they take you off a project, or CC your boss on an email, whatever. Regardless of what happened, you find yourself assuming it was done with the worst intent. At the moment that you recognize that you are assuming negative intent, here’s one thing you can try that works for me like a charm:
Play out both scenarios.
First, I let myself imagine the worst case scenario—I play to the worst of my initial assumption. I come up with an option for the most terrible reason that they would have done this thing. Either because they don’t like me, or have it out for me, or want to steal my job, etc.
Then, I do the exact opposite—I force myself to play out the absolute best case scenario. I come up with a reason that assumes this person has the best possible intentions for me, gives them all of the benefit of my doubts—they want to help me out, protect me from something, make me look great, or attempt to set me up for a win.
Now I make a choice.
Once I’ve got these two options in each hand (metaphorically), the best case scenario and the worst case scenario, I do this exactly:
I suspend believing that one of them has to be true. And then I put the worst case scenario on the ground (metaphorically), and leave it there. The only of the two scenarios I will carry around until I can get a clear answer and address it with the person in question is the version where they did that thing with the best possible intentions.
By letting go of the sinister narrative and holding onto the positive, it gives my brain a positive space to dwell and percolate in the meantime until I have the chance to go to have a conversation and clarify with them.
Does this make me delusional? No, it makes me a happier, healthier person who doesn’t stew in negativity, and doesn’t have angry thoughts and conversations in my head with other people, and destroy my working and personal relationships by cultivating unwarranted negativity.
Are the negative intentions we assign to other people sometimes actually true? Yes, not the majority of the time, but sometimes they are. You will have little control over that in your life. You are not in charge of other people and their intentions. What you do have control over is your own brain space and the way that you react and behave as a result of the things that other people do and say.
Being the kind of person who operates from a place of assuming positive intent on behalf of other people will be beneficial to you in the form of healthier relationships, less conflict, and a better reputation amongst your coworkers and friends.
“... our brains and egos love a good hero, villain, victim story, especially when we are the hero and the victim, and other people are the villains.”
The truth is that our brains and egos love a good hero, villain, victim story, especially when we are the hero and the victim, and other people are the villains. It can be easy for our egos to get into a habit of embracing toxic, poisonous narratives even if they aren’t true. This is something you have to be intentional to work against and create habits that replace that with something more healthy and positive for your life.
Move past the narrative and get to the truth.
In all likelihood in most situations, you will not have all the information you need to know the truth of the situation. Assuming the positive intent of the other person will help you have more productive conversations get to the truth of their experience and preserve the relationship.
Just knowing that you have a choice to control the narrative, and can choose to assume something that is more positive vs negative is a very empowering personal realization. It gives you a lot of personal control over situations that would otherwise invade your brain with negativity and ruin your day (like being frustrated at other drivers).
Moving through the world this way—assuming positive intent on behalf of other people, and going directly to the source to clear things up is a much better move than stewing in negativity that’s unwarranted or untrue.
It’s good for relationships. It's good for your reputation. It’s good for your emotional and mental health and will (at least in a little way) make your whole life better.
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This article was created by Galen Emanuele for the #culturedrop. Free leadership and team culture content in less than 5 minutes a week. Check out the rest of this month's content and subscribe to the Culture Drop at https://bit.ly/culturedrop
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